Like We Used To
by Eleix Moone
Summary: Sirius lost his chance to tell Remus how he felt when Remus sleeps with someone else. But when Sirius has a gig at the Hog's Head more than a year later, he decides that now would be the best time to tell his friend how he feels. SBRL, Wolfstar


Sirius groggily woke up as he heard his name whispered from across the room. "Sirius, wake up," the voice begged softly, distress seeping through. Sirius blinked softly, waiting for the voice to come again. When it didn't, he closed his eyes and began to drift back into his dreamland.

A moment later, the red velvet of Sirius' curtains rustled as the voice spoke again. "Sirius? Are you awake?" The curtains were separated slowly. Through the gap appeared the terrified face of an amber-eyed werewolf. "Siri?"

"Wha?"Sirius mumbled, rolling over to face his furry friend.

Remus bit his lip. "I had another nightmare. Can I sleep with you?" He ducked his head shamefully before looking back at Sirius, his eyes pleading. Sighing, Sirius nodded before lifting up the blanket between Remus and him. Remus let out a small smile before diving in, immediately snuggling close to Sirius the moment he was in bed. He let out a contented breath before he fell back asleep almost immediately.

Sirius took in a deep breath, breathing in the smell of Remus against his chest. He could feel Remus' breath against his neck, evening out the further into sleep he fell. It had been so long since Remus and he had lain like this. Not since Grayer came into the picture a little over fourteen months ago. Sirius could remember the day clear as anything… how could he ever forget the day he felt his heart break for the first time?

_Fourteen months ago…_

_ Sirius was sitting on Remus' bed, idly twirling his wand as he waited for the blond to come home from tutoring. The duo were staying at Remus' home for winter break and, while most normal people would be ignoring their studies in favor of the festivities of the holidays, Remus instead insisted on using his time to help any student who was struggling with any subject. Tonight his victim was a fellow sixth year named Grayer McGreggor; his weapon, a book of transfiguration. _

_ Sirius glanced at his watch before glancing back at the door. "Hurry up, Remy," he mumbled as he started picking at the threads of Remus' worn red-and-brown plaid blanket. While Sirius was truly impatient, he was also growing nervous. He had decided that tonight would finally be the night that he told his friend how much he had truly begun to care for him over the years. Even if Remus didn't feel the same, her deserved to know. Sirius let out a shaky breath as the door finally opened._

_ Remus walk in, his hair disheveled and his face flushed. Sirius felt his stomach drop, his heart clenching painfully. "Rough night?" he forced himself to tease, desperate not to let his worry show. _

_ Remus collapsed on the bed. "You have no idea." He lay down, placing his head in Sirius' lap. Sirius immediately began to thread his fingers through the blond tresses. _

_ "Well, what happened?" Sirius asked after a moment of silence. _

_ Remus bit his lip before he pulled himself back up into a sitting position. "We, well…. We had sex."_

_ Sirius felt his world stop. "O-oh." Sirius shook his head, deciding right then and there that he was going to keep his feelings to himself. He took a deep breath before forcing himself to be his normal male self. "So, was he any good?" he asked, winking saucily. His stomach churned at his words. _

_ Remus flushed even darker. "Well, we were in his car when he was driving me home, and he just kind of admitted that he had feelings for me before he kissed me, and…. He took it slow, but it just kind of went from there."_

_ Sirius stiffened. He nodded before letting out a big breath. "So…. Where are you going from there?"_

_ Remus thought about it for a moment before responding, looking at Sirius in an apologetic manner. "I think I'm going to give being with him a shot. I mean, he is pretty hot," he joked, trying to lessen some of the tension in the air. Sirius nodded tightly before faking a yawn. _

_ "I guess it's time to hit the hay," Sirius murmered, getting off the bed and making his way to the cot across the room._

_ Remus watched him go in confusion. What had he said that could make Sirius' stormy grey eyes look so sad?"Sirius? What's the matter?" he asked._

_ Sirius shook his head. "It's nothing, Remus. Let's just go to bed," he snapped. Remus nodded before biting his lip and looking down guiltily once more. Sirius sighed before getting back up and walking back over to Remus, hugging the boy. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. How about we watch that movie you love so much?" Remus' face brightened. _

_ "Alright! You know, I love the part when-" Remus began to ramble, but Sirius tuned him out, knowing exactly was Remus was going to say, They had seen this movie millions of times. Sirius decided instead to focus solely on the beauty of the boy in front of him. Remus didn't realize how beautiful he was, with his perfectly kept blond hair and amber eyes, his lean body toned from the wolf. The more Remus talked, the more animated that he became. Sirius laughed before moving so that he was behind Remus, holding him against his chest while he magically started the movie._

_(End Flashback)_

Sirius sniffed, blinking his eyes rapidly to rid himself of the tears that were threatening to spill out over his lashes. Sirius mentally chided himself. _There's no use in crying. He was never yours to begin with. You can't miss what was never yours. _Even a year later, though, Sirius still regretted never telling Remus how he felt. What would have been different if Sirius had just sucked it up and admitted it any of the times before Grayer came into the picture? Hell, what if he had admitted it immediately _after? _Would he still feel so alone and heartbroken, or would he finally have the man of his dreams of his arms? Sirius shook his head when suddenly, an idea struck him. Sirius had always been musically inclined, and he did have a gig that night at the Hog's Head….. perhaps he could tell Remus about his feelings then. With the werewolf still in his arms, Sirius began to compose a song to describe him feelings in his head.

"What are you playing?" Remus asked later than same day, once daylight had long since broken through the golden drapes on the windows of the dorms. Sirius had been plucking at his guitar all morning, trying to find a melody to fit the feelings of his words.

"Just trying to come up with a new song," Sirius responded before he let out a smile. He began to strung one of Remus' favorite songs, laughing as Remus immediately perked up and began to dance in his chair.

"You remembered," Remus said, smiling. Sirius smiled back nodding as he began to sing. Remus continued to dance while Sirius voiced out the melody. Once the song was over, Remus launched himself at Sirius, pulling him into a hug around the guitar. Sirius hugged him back, burying his face in Remus' neck. After a moment Remus pulled away. "I have to go now, but Grayer and I will be at your show tonight, alright?" Sirius nodded. Remus pecked him on the cheek. "In case I don't see you before then, good luck, Siri." He paused for a moment before pulling back at walking out of the room. Sirius watched him leave. Once he was sure the werewolf was gone, Sirius shakily placed his hand on his cheek where Remus had kissed him. It had been way to long since he had had _that. _Now that Sirius thought about it, he hadn't allowed himself any affection since Remus had broken his heart. He would have thought that the womanizer in him would have sought out a counterpart to kill his sorrows, but the only person he wanted anymore was Remus. Sighing, Sirius shook his head and returned to his piece.

Hours passed by, and Sirius found himself on stage finishing up his set. His white teeshirt was drenched in sweat, and he could feel his dark gray skinny jeans clinging to his thighs. He let his guitar hang by its strap as he took the microphone in his hand. "You guys have been a great audience. I have one last song to perform tonight. This song is for someone very close to me, and though I only wrote this song today, I feel like it's been my story for far longer than anything else I have ever written. Even though he's with someone else, I wrote this song to let him know that I'll always love him even though he's found happiness with someone else."

Whispers of Sirius being in love with a man erupted through the bar. Sirius had never admitted that he was gay out loud, and now to do it in public? No one was expecting anything like that.

Sirius started to pluck his guitar, closing his eyes. "I can feel his breath, as he's sleeping next to me, sharing pillows and cold feet," he began to sing softly. "He can feel my heart, fell asleep to its beat, under blankets and warm sheets. If only I could be in that bed again, if only it was me instead of him…."

As the chorus hit, Sirius opened his eyes, locking them with Remus'. "Does he watch your favorite movies? Does he hold you when you cry? Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts, when you've seen it a million times? Does he sing to all your music, while you dance to _Purple Rain?_ Does he do all these things, like I used to?"

Sirius' voice was gradually getting stronger the more and more that his emotions were overcoming him. Now that he had begun to tell Remus how he felt about him, he knew that he wouldn't be able to stop. "14 months and 7 days ago… oh, I know you know, how we felt about that night. Just your skin against the window, and he took it slow, but we both know…." He took a slight pause, "it should've been me inside that car…. It should've been me instead of him, in the dark… does he watch your favorite movies? Does he hold you when you cry? Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts, when you've seen it a million times? Does he sing to all your music, while you dance to _Purple Rain? _Does he do all these things, like I used to?"

"I know, love, happens all the time love….. you're on my mind, love. That happens all the time, love, yeah," Sirius sang. He pulled his eyes away from Remus' for a moment, the tears streaming down his friend's face making Sirius regret writing this song for a moment. The last thing he wanted to do was make Remus cry. None the less, he locked his eyes with his love once more as he finished out the song.

"Will he love you like I loved you? Will he tell you every day? Will he make you feel like you're invincible with every word he'll say?" Sirius turned his to Grayer, his eyes pleading. "Can you promise me if this was right, don't throw it all away. Can you do all these things? Will you do all these things, like we used to?" At Grayer's nod, Sirius closed his eyes again before finishing. "Oh, like we used to." Sirius played the final few chords on his guitar before opening his eyes and letting his hands drop. Cheers erupted in the bar, but Sirius didn't hear any of it. He simply felt numb. Sirius had always believed that telling Remus how he felt would make him feel lighter in a way, but in reality, he just felt worse. Now Remus knew how he felt, he just felt empty. He slowly made his way off stage and headed back to Hogwarts, not staying to hear from any of his fans how amazing he did. He just wanted to get away. Needless to say, he was surprised when he felt his arm being grabbed halfway through his walk back to school. Sirius swung around to see Remus staring at him, his cheeks tearstained.

"Please, please tell me that that wasn't a joke," Remus begged Sirius, tears still dripping off of his lashes. "Please tell me that I didn't misunderstand and that the last song was directed at me."

Sirius' jaw dropped. "A joke? Really, Remus? There's no way that could be a joke, I've been in love with you for ag—" Remus lunged forward and smashed his lips against Sirius', effectively cutting him off. Sirius kissed back for a moment before remembering that his friend was taken. He grudgingly pulled away. "Remus, what….?" He began to ask, trailing off when he saw the look that Remus was giving him.

"I broke up with Grayer."

Sirius looked at Remus in confusion. "But, you are so happy with him…. Don't walk away from something that makes you so happy, just because I told you how I feel. It doesn't have to change anything."

Remus dropped his eyes to the ground before locking them with Sirius' once more. He raised his hand to gently cup his friend's cheek. "I love you," Remus admitted softly. "I always have, ever since first year."

Sirius broke into a wide grin before he pulled Remus into a tight hug, holding him flush against his body. "I love you too," he breathed. He was over the moon to finally say those words to his companion outside of the realm of his mind. "I love you, I love you, I love you." Sirius pulled out of the hug and kissed the man again before leaning his head against Remus', smiling when he saw the way that Remus was beaming at him. Sirius kissed the tip of Remus' nose. "I love you."

With one final kiss, Remus and Sirius began their walk back up to the castle, fingers intertwined, thoroughly in love, and together at last.


End file.
